Harmony

“Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice. Better than knowledge is meditation. But better still is surrender of attachment to results, because there follows immediate peace.” Bhagavad Gita

The past weeks have been very encouraging. There are many auditions which translate into many opportunities. There is a freshness to the 2009 audition season. At least in my experience. I have found the above quote for me to be so true. I have finally reached the point of enjoying ALL of what I do (the whole process) that the only thing important to me is that moment; and since we have no control over anymore than that~ how peaceful! To walk in the room, sing/dance and leave satisfied is wonderful. To obsess over an outcome to which you will never know all of the factors is tragic to our psyche. This I had noticed in myself earlier but it is so evident to me this year. And this year I have made some pretty bold decisions with the direction I am taking, and I am sure that helped. (Direction never hurt;)

“It is never easy to keep reaching for dreams. Strength and courage can sometimes be lonely friends. but those who reach, walk in stardust.”

Sweat = Perfection

I have been at a lost for topics to discuss of late. But there has been something constant in my life that, I realized , could indeed be a topic. "Change"

"To improve is to change, to be perfect is to change often"
~Winston Churchill

In dance class we work hard at repetition. We mold, and sculpt until we are satisfied with our results. The longer one stays with it the more mad one can become with creating perfection; Because you quickly realize that your satisfaction only last long enough for you to analyze your new found weakness. This is a blessing as well as a curse. One would never improve if we didn't work so hard in fixing ourselves. One would never achieve with out the drive and hunger for the challenge. It also is a curse in the sense that, we hardly enjoy those satisfying moments because we are already trying to perfect what WAS perfection 5 minutes ago. It never can be good enough. Maybe this madness is created in ourselves so that we continue to drive ourselves to achieve greater things. There is a joy to look back and to see how far one has come. However we must remember to take the time to really stop and "smell the roses".
I recently finished reading Gelsey Kirkland's books "Dancing on my Grave" and " The Shape of Love". After reading her final words, and turning to the blank cover- I had indeed been changed. I am not a ballerina but the dancers plight is the same, no matter which discipline is your passion. She lived for and through each and every moment. Sure she had moments of crazy, and moments of chaos BUT the outcome was heaven. To dance is pure joy. To be able to express yourself and share with the world is priceless. We are all unique and we all have something to give and share in this world. Whatever your passion is, let it shine.

“If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.”
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Random Beat

I came across this quote (and apparently a very famous one):

"If you just set out to be liked, you would be prepared to compromise on anything at any time, and you would achieve nothing." --Margaret Thatcher

And how true! There was a time in my life where I was more concerned with what people thought and I was always worried that something I said or did would somehow be misunderstood. Then somewhere between 20 and 22, I suddenly stopped caring. I realized that I was not ever going to be in accord with every person on this planet nor should I have to be. I realized that how people "viewed" me wasn't that important; because I cannot control people's personal judgements nor did I really care what they were. As long as I am happy and as long as I am doing good- what does anything else matter. And most of the time anything negative is usually the other person projecting their personal issues onto you.

And this holds even more truth for me in the dating department. I have been single for quite sometime and as I read that quote over and over- it makes even more sense to me! Sometimes we should be careful what we wish for and be very clear in the wishing. Some of my little cousins over the holiday were asking me when I was going to get married, and all I could do was smile and laugh....honestly I really don't want that for myself. I mean maybe in 10 years, but I don't think some things are for me. ;-) I am very content with my life in this moment. And marriage and children does not guarantee happiness contrary to popular belief. But I am a firm believer in " To each his own". So I shall continue down my road, walking to my own beat......

Thanks for reading my randomness.

The beat goes on........

Strength

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

-- Anais Nin

So the grass is always greener. I have always been a firm believer in the mind set that- Everything happens for a reason, and the events of the past days have proved it. I am in a much better and more mobile position. Despite my "naivety", I have always know what I wanted and went after it ferociously; And being that it has brought me this far, I am content with doing things my way.

“It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex. Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind.”

--Alex Karras

Sometimes you have to be willing to accept change and bend. But there is a time you cannot sacrifice artistry or a vision. I am loving the lessons that life continues to bring.

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

The Turning Point...

"I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass."
--Maya Angelou

Without getting into detail, something snapped in me last night. I don't know where people get off on thinking that they can deal bad business deals and think that it is okay. Luckily I have a brain and can read. And what disgusted me more was the fact that this person, has yet to reply in an attempt to make things right...Which at this point, I will have nothing to do with this person or issue. There is nothing I cannot do for myself. Why the rant then? Because I CAN. Simple as that. Honesty is the best way to deal in life. Under handed omissions and complex wording is not. Funny thing is, I saw through this mess in the beginning but stupidly decided against my better judgement....yes I know....NEVER again. I have been accused of being "hard" and different by some, but you know what, business is business. If you can't stand the heat, then get out. I may come across as sweet and maybe even naive, but I was raised by a strong SINGLE woman who takes nothing from anyone.....so you get my drift...don't ever waste my time.

Now I am not claiming to know everything, but I am going to proceed as I plan and be my own boss. Set my own deadlines and enjoy it. I will not be taken for a ride, unless I am driving.

Ahhhh I feel much better, and oh so free........

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back."
--Maya Angelou

Fall is Change

So this weekend I drove up to CT with my mom, sister, and grand mother to visit Michele in college! It was such a wonderful trip! Mind you I haven't seen my family since July in Cape Cod! And best of all my grandmother baked!!! Sweet potato pie and banana pudding! The ride was beautiful! The foliage is amazing! It was as if the trees were painted along side the highway. I am thinking that I may visit Central Park this week with my camera! It is getting a tad chilly...but I also know that it is going to get soooo much colder, so I am embracing it now! LOL
Her campus was beautiful! It is the perfect place for her. The dance studios are beautiful and brand new. She is very happy there.


Meanwhile, I am still striving for more. Although I will say, sometimes I feel as if I am waiting for life to begin. Let me explain. I feel as tho I am always waiting for someone to "help" me get to the next level. I just hate having to wait around for someone to make the time. I know that my mini rant is so vague...and partially because what I am working on.. I want to be a surprise. None the less I feel like it may never get done. *Sigh, I know that it will...well I hope that will. :-)

Well nothing really more to report.

"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle."

Papers from the past...and a Rose

So I was cleaning out my trunk and I found some old poems that I wrote a few years ago...after reading them, I wanted to share:

There are times in this big city flooded with people I feel so disconnected. It could be the life I choose. I believe that everything happens for a reason and nothing is an accident. I believe in fate and I believe that God has no religion. I know that this will all make sense at some point and that I shouldn't question things now and just be in the moment and release the past. I hope to be an inspiration and to make a difference in my life time. I hope to learn all my lessons so that I can advance instead of making the same mistakes repeatedly. I try to be positive at all times, because I have learned that what you put out in this world is what you receive. And things always come back to you but not in the most obvious way. I have also learned not to be afraid, as long as you have love in you fear cannot survive! We are all divine energies of light, so let yourself shine and be free. We have the power, you have to start by looking inside yourself. (11-17-2005, Kia Lee)


There are moments in life that we never forget. Good or bad. We never forget them because in some strong way they changed who we are or who we thought we were. We all make decision and them deal with life post- decision. We may not like what life has become because of our decision but never the less we are forced to live with it. The best thing to do is to learn from every experience. But the challenge is to look at yourself. To truly look into the mirror and see what others see. We are rarely who we actually think we are. Think about it. (5-11-2006, Kia Lee)

Everything is silent. The air is light and smooth. I am at peace. I miss you but I will be okay. As each day passes I grow stronger and let a small piece of you go. I am new to this so I don't know how long it will take; and I am not sure I will be able to let the last piece go. But as I sit here and watch the trees sway through my window, I am releasing small fragments of what was, and dreams that would have been. Watching them flutter to the ground, some seem to disappear before reaching anywhere. My heart still beats. My eyes still cry. You can't take my ability to love again. So I release you from my heart. You are now free to go. You can't stay with me any longer. My heart still beats. My eyes still cry. I will find my way through this storm. I know there is a rainbow on the other side. (5-22-2006, Kia Lee)

He stood in my door way. He was dressed in the night. Before I could speak I was overcome by the darkness. I felt guilty before I knew what was happening. It seems I melt in his hands and he molds me different every time. I want to say no, but he has given me no voice. I want to run but I am shackled to the floor. He throws me in his dirty cage and leaves me until he needs another fix of me. Then I am set free, but only long enough to make him strong then I am back where I started.....used and alone. (11-17-2005, Kia Lee)

Crazy right! I couldn't believe that I still had them over these years! Hope they spoke to you..as they still resonate with me. Thank you for allowing me to share.

I'd rather tell my own story, than have one assigned to me.

"Adapt yourself to the life you have been given; and truly love the people with whom destiny has surrounded you."

--Marcus Aurelius

The past week has been filled with so many wonderful things. It's crazy the bond we create with our friends. And in sharing in our life experiences we learn that we all share in a lot of the same experiences. And sharing in that, we can help each other along in our times of need. So many of us are embarrassed to share in our decisions, but a dear friend shared with me this:
"The Choice may have been mistaken but the choosing was not." It is Hindsight that provides us with new eyes. We should always be there for one another and not judge. It is so simple to pass judgment on someone, but if you took the time to listen and stand in their shoes...you may realize that you too may have chosen their route. It is important that everyone know that they are never alone, in spirit or in experiences.

The seasons are changing quite nicely here in New York City. The humidity is gone, and we are left with lovely temperatures. It's looking like we should have this for quite sometime, but I guess in thinking about it, we usually do and it is the end of October that it really begins to shift. I am really looking forward to being home for the holidays this year! Grandma's food is nothing to be missed! Well I am off to enjoy the day!!

"Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need." --Voltaire

~~~Happy Thanksgiving to those in Canada! Gobble Gobble!~~~

Window

The winds are changing. Fall is arriving here in New York City. It is a beautiful time..once you get past those seasonal allergies. The leaves changing and the anticipation of what's next....

"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds; your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be."
--Patanjali

I have been on a mission for the past few weeks...An inner mission. Sometimes when one loses touch with "who you are" we must reconnect and re-find ourselves. Now, there is no set way to do this or really any way to know you even need it. For me, it was just something that began to manifest on it's own and I, myself began to notice, my mind transcending my limitations and making them non existent. And because of that non existence and liberating feeling inside--I naturally began to crave more. And that more made me able to began to reach even higher than ever. I can see things that I never saw before. I can do things that I used to doubt in myself. I am no longer allowing anything that is "good enough"...From myself or from anyone else. Sure part of it could be written off as " oh you are growing up" but really how many people do? It is a choice to grow or not.. I mean To be able to live and not judge and to accept everything for what it is...is just so beautiful. To be right in the moment. I was in dance class this evening and during the warm up the teacher said what are you thinking about right now...and as I stared up at the ceiling I realized...."Nothing"....."Nothing" because I was living in that moment..breath to breath. It was such a peaceful realization. And that serenity is still with me hours after class. I am not saying I am perfect. I am just sharing with you..what is possible if you open your mind and allow it. It is always our choice. To be or not to be.....that was and is the question....

Late Night Lessons & Inspirations

I am learning that in life, it is best not to question and even more so to not even try to "figure it out"... As hard as it has been to surrender to fate and take it day by day...my window to the world is so much clearer. It's almost frightening when I realize had I gotten "what I wanted" what I would be missing out on now. Granted you never know...but lately I am in awe of life and how it manifest itself. It just goes to show you that YOU are where you are meant to be..both good and bad. We all have lessons to learn. We all have experiences to have. Each and everything that we go through make us who we are. Personally as an artist, everything for me is heightened to the point of borderline hysteria. Granted it's best to keep it to your self and be a normal, sane person on the outside and when dealing with others ( if you find any "normal", "sane" ones...let me know). Life without feelings is boring and empty... But in all seriousness I cannot stress how important it is to follow your heart and your passions...whatever they are- despite what others may say. Some put others down because they are afraid to fly themselves. Believe me when I tell you that there is nothing that you cannot do.

"If you can shape it in your mind. You will find it in your life"
--My Fortune Cookie--

Thoughts In The Night

You can have anything you want if you want it desperately enough. You must want it with an exuberance that erupts through the skin and joins the energy that created the world.
--Sheila Graham

I have been thinking a lot lately. And as life goes on without time to pause--it is now that I realize that there are and have always been many roads to our "final destinations". It's funny-- It seems that I am always being tested in what I am willing to sacrifice for my dreams. And as time presses on I have learned, if you love something with a passion- there is nothing that you would not do in order to happily do what you love. It's always easy for those on the outside looking in to judge and offer their "advice". There is nothing logical about what I do. I am driven from my heart. I cannot simply change because times get hard. Nothing is easy. Nothing.

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
--William Jennings Bryan

I believe in following your dreams full heartedly and NEVER giving in. To me it would be so much harder to "walk away", than to stay and fight it out to the death. And some of you reading my think that it is a bit dramatic---but it should be. If you are not taking it that serious how could you expect anyone else to. There are 2 kinds of people in this word...Those who do, and those who don't. Don't sit there waiting for your turn...you've got to reach out and take it.

To gain that which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else.
--Bernadette Devlin

Much More

I haven't had too many witty ideas for blogs and I see many of you tend to check back daily....so I am going to have to work on more topics to have a new entries at least every other day. Since we are already to the end of the week, lets recap! ( Starting with today) After an amazing dance class this evening Justin, Alica, Cody and myself went to see our voice teachers Cabaret at Don't Tell Mama! It was wonderful!! Amy's voice is timeless and so rich!!! And her partner in crime Jeff Caldwell was hilarious! We enjoyed the show immensely! In walking there we passed a new empanada place- called empanada Joe's which is inexpensive and good! ( we went back after the show)- and also passing a new place called Red Mango. ( Frozen Yogurt with fresh fruit toppings) also inexpensive! Although it seems Cody and I ate ourselves home we were stopped when Auntie Annie's Pretzels had closed for the evening.

I am looking forward to family weekend up at my sisters college in a few weeks! She has adjusted well and just loves it! And the baby (ok...ok, she is not a baby) is adjusting rather well to being the "only" child. I do need to make a trip to PA soon...I haven't been there since the 4th of July!

I am looking slightly forward to the changing of the leaves which will consummate fall. However I like the temperatures where they are now. I hate adding layers for the 7-8 months...It just makes going out that much heavier! And dealing with coat check is annoying...alas I suppose there is nothing I can do about that.

Auditions seem to be picking up again....gaining a bit of speed. I am also hoping to begin painting my apartment next week. I have picked out 3 colors. I am looking forward to painting- it should be fun.

Well that's enough for now!!

xo

Change in the Winds

"Self Command is the main discipline"

This quote I found and fell in love with. If you think about it--it is very true. We are only as good as we demand of ourselves. No one can make us or really break us. It is true we can be inspired and nurtured from the outside--but the true strength comes from within. It's like that old saying what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I believe it.

Since being back I feel and see everything differently. At first I thought it was a bad thing--but then why does different always have to mean bad? The answer is simple-It doesn't. Different when Googled ( my fascination and obsession with Google) defined different as:

distinctly separate from the first, Not the same; separate; distinct.

Now there is nothing negative in any of those definitions. The one that pops out most to me is- distinct. For what ever reason. Everything seems to mean different things..what was up is now kind of down and vice versa. When I see things that I want they are for much different reasons. I don't care to settle for little things anymore. I'd rather wait to have exactly what I want- and if I cannot have it then I'd rather be without, then have some cheap knock off. (And I am not talking about material things here! No sir!) And when I am approached about things- my replies and reactions are notably different. I haven't been getting negative feedback from friends or family so I guess I am ok in all of this change.

(Some people on the Streets on NYC don't care for it) Just a side note fellas if you are trying to pick up a woman or just want to tell her she is pretty or simply saying hello- try words like " Good Afternoon" "That's a lovely color on you" because NO ONE likes to be hissed at or called any OTHER name than the one they were given at birth. And to assume you are entitled to a reply is rude. Be and gentleman and women WILL respond. Sorry, that doesn't apply to all of you but I feel like the city has gotten worse with this disgusting behavior. Hopefully all women will stop responding to that kind of behavior; because lets face it the only reason they do it is because it worked once.

Everyone keeps asking so what's next? And I say I am loving my moment right now in the here. Nothing is promised. So just enjoy where you are now.

"Where ever you are....There you are"

Random...Projections..In my Mirror

So I am in the last week before embarking on my next journey. The more time passes the more I realize-There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. This quote I read on Kit's most recent blog (misskittyinthecity.blogspot.com). And for some reason it is resonating loud and clear. I started thinking back to moments where I felt hurt, cheated, or embarrassed. And now in hindsight I am realizing that all of my "feelings and judgments" were based on how I felt and thought of the situation and not anyone else's. Much like projection (a defense mechanism by which your own traits and emotions are attributed to someone else) Funny how these things only come to you in hindsight. Or in hearing the idea from some place else and seeing if it applies to you. It's just like in dance class or rehearsal- when someone gets a note~ you do a mental check to see if that note can be applied to you~ thus making you stronger and more aware. So the next time you are feeling insecure or like the world is staring at you for what ever reason- step back and re-evaluate the situation and you will probably find that it is you who have passed judgment on yourself or better yet- you may discover how you really feel about the situation- or person. If I only knew then what a know now...the good thing about this is now that I know it is my choice, and I hope that I can be strong enough to apply and live my life in a better light.

"The longer one carries a problem the heavier it gets."

Yesterday...Today..Tomorrow....NOW and Then

Amidst performing I received a message via Facebook from my best girlfriend in high school and in the message she asked me if I remembered when we used to go down to the car wash and how much fun it was. (Mind you this was 2002- 2003--Five-Six years ago.) And it also just so happens that my little sister graduated high school today.....

I wasn't able to be there- but I did send a text (informal yes I know but flowers aren't our thing) the text read "welcome to the real world". She got a kick out the message and it made me giggle as well. I can remember back to my graduation day- the golden moment I was freed from conforming. When the truth would prevail and the people who really worked hard would be rewarded.( I now find this isn't always the case- but close enough) Where I no longer had to sit in the confines of someone else's world. I never really felt like I belonged there, in high school that is. I felt that I was beyond it in a sense. I guess I already got it- and by it, I mean life. I am by no means claiming to be a know it all but I have always been told that I have an "old soul"- and that is what made the confining walls so hard for me. I wasn't used to adults not trusting and having to ask permission for simple things. As I think back on those years, I do not miss them nor do I crave to ever go back to revisit them. Some people go crazy over their high school reunions- I for one had decided long ago that I would never be attending mine. What for? Is there any reason to go back? I despised it then- so why go back?

I was taking a walk the other day, all of this on my mind swirling around and I realized that everything I ever dreamed of I am living. I was instantly so thankful at that moment. I had realized this before but even more so now. I remember as a child sitting in my room, praying and crying and just daydreaming about all of these things. And sometimes even thinking that they would never happen for me. But 12 days after graduation I left with conviction- moved to NYC, and I have never looked back. It has been a crazy 5 years and I will say I am very proud of my accomplishments. Nothing is easy and I will continue to work hard and to strive to be better than I am. And more importantly to be thankful and hopefully inspire others to do the same. Nothing is easy. And let's face it, if it was we wouldn't want it.

Many of my peers are starting families and getting married and there is that tiny voice in the back of my head that sometimes craves that life too. But to be honest those things to me will always be there. And some may say oh you are just being selfish- and I ask you this, isn't that what your 20's are for. All of that family stuff is the norm everywhere else but not here in New York City ( Thank God). New York City is a very career driven place and you can sink or swim and the less baggage one has the faster and longer one can swim. This is not a race, it is a journey as I have always said. We are the captains of our souls. I believe that we can make things happen. It is choice not circumstance. We just have to make the decision and stick with it. Like I said before "whatever you are, be a good one". There is nothing worse than half assing it- whatever you do commit to it and go all the way. Give yourself the chance to experience joy.

"Let your light shine. be a source of strength and courage. share your wisdom. radiate love."

Sex and the City ( the movie)

So I just returned from my midnight viewing of Sex and the City (the movie) and I had the time of my life. I will not give too much away for the simple fact the weekend isn't here yet and I feel that I should give you all until at least Monday! All in all the messages in all the stories were very genuine and I believe spoke on many different levels. The morals of each lesson shown was very resonate. I found myself bawling at one point and I had many moments of choking back the tears. Now I cannot say for sure if it was the writing, acting, or the simple fact that I am a woman sharing in these stories that were shared. Now I am sure I am very one sided since I have loved this show from the start and am the proud owner of all 96 episodes in the collectors edition boxed set.

But all I know is that there is nothing stronger then friendship. And that love comes in many forms and in the end when your world has shattered around you- it is the ones who love you that will be there along side you to begin your journey in picking up the pieces. In the 2 hours and 15 minutes that I devoted to this movie, I have found a deeper love and appreciation for my girlfriends. I think we often forget how much we all do for each other. While we appreciate it- we also just take for granted. With that said take the time to celebrate who you have become and love and embrace yourself. And we don’t need anything or anyone to make us happy or complete. It’s all about perception. You can have it all, but remember things aren’t always what they seem. Happiness should conquer all. There is more than one road to get to your final destination, the quickest route isn’t always the best.

Bendecido Tan

I am deeply touched at this moment.
I have shared so many special moments with my loved ones this past weekend. I am so thankful for each and everyone of you. You have had such a profound affect on my life. Your laughter, your stories and your love mean the world to me. Words cannot express how indebted I am to you all. I have felt pure joy in my soul. There is nothing I feel that I cannot do- and it is because I have the support of all of you. I only hope that I am enough and that I am there enough for you.

Life is funny. I feel like I have grown up so much in the past year. I feel like I fit the shoes that I wear now. I sort of "believed it" in the beginnings but now I really feel like they are mine. I no longer doubt or question - I just trust.

I suppose this all comes with living and experiencing life. There are just somethings that no one can explain or make you understand. You just have to live and learn- isn't that how the song goes?
So here's to you! And here's to success for all. There is nothing we cannot do. Here's to an amazing summer and fun times! Tomorrow begins a brand new day!

" Everybody be glad
Because the sun is shining just for us
Everybody wake up
Into the morning into happiness

Hello world
It's like a different way of living now
And thank you world
We always knew that we'd be free somehow
In harmony
And show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change
For us to live so independently
Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?" ~The Wiz

Oh Happy Spring!

It was a great week here in New York City! The temperatures were fantastic!! This week was a pretty quite one- all around. Not many auditions and not much going on other than dance class. A few more weeks until my birthday and also rehearsals!

Let's see- I had a wonderful Saturday with friends! Kit, Shelby and I had a delicious lunch at this cute little bakery in my neighbourhood. I then met up with Nikki for a wonderful evening of cocktailing in Astoria. (Is that a word) It was nice to have a moment to let our hair down and just enjoy living in one of the greatest cities in the world! The weather couldn't have been better! Oh wait- I think it is going to be even better this weekend! This was Nikki and my 2nd Saturday lunch/dinner date- It is a wonderful thing and I look forward to it! Astoria has found a place in my heart!

Sunday I went to Bikram Yoga- I had to sit for a few of the beginning postures ( by no fault of the alcohol..I am sure...lol) but I felt 100% after! Even a day after I still feel well cleansed and light! I have been wanting to meditate and the class seemed to help me start in the right direction. I then of course followed Bikram with a Jazz class. I have been having a hip flexor issue but Bikram seemed to have solved that problem- and I am very impressed as it was only one class of Bikram- so you can guess where I will be from now on!

Well we are just trucking right along here in April as it is almost over. I am looking forward to sharing more moments with my girlfriends and well..with you!!

Until next time!

"Do not take things too seriously. Live a life of serenity, not a life
of regrets."

On A Clear Day You Can See Forever

This is how I felt when I woke up this morning and looked out onto the city. I have butterflies swirling around my soul and I cannot stop myself from smiling. Something grand is coming. I don't know what or when...but I feel it. For those of you who know- yes great things have been happening in my favor but this is something bigger. Something I have been working towards.

But now I am focusing on staying in the moment of here and now...as challenging as it may be.

"You cannot judge your own progress by the progress of others."

"Everything happens for a reason...except when it doesn't... but there's a reason for that"

Pieces

Today was a fantastic day. I hesitate to share because sometimes in life there is nothing more precious then a moment that is yours forever. And that is what I experienced today. So I will cherish it and tuck it away for my keeping. And when the time is right- I will share with the world. Until that moment arrives I am on Cloud Nine.

"Once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return."

In Like a Lion....Out Like A Lamb...

It is hard to believe that only a week has passed since my last Blog. Last week was the craziest audition week ever! Get this- I had to create an Excel spreadsheet- just to be sure I didn’t mess up dates, places, and times! The performers nightmare- is showing up on time at the wrong location- or not showing up at all because you thought it was tomorrow! So I have become incredibly anal about keeping track and triple checking. Alas it was a great audition week. I am sure those of you who are not familiar with this profession are thinking- well you sure audition a lot- but do you actually ever book any of them! And the answer is- Yes! Offers are beginning to go out for hundreds of contracts. This is the busiest time of year for auditioners and theatres. Also one of the more stressful seasons.

I pretty much spent all of my free time with friends last week as well as this weekend. I enjoyed brunch with a small group of friends today at The Film Center Café. Saturday night I hung out with 2 of my girlfriends who live 2 blocks away from me ( how cool is that) and played Wii! It is refreshing and it is also so easy to get caught up in the city and all of it’s bustle that you forget to live and enjoy life. It also helps that the sun is still out at 7pm!! I am no longer rushing home! I love daylight- but it also catches me off guard because I don’t realize that it is getting late!

I have to bring up a conversation I had with a dear friend- It was very funny because I think we created a new word! The topic of discussion was Google. And we were discussing what types of things pop up on it- for our friends and such- then I asked the question “ Are you Googleable? “ I instantly began to laugh uncontrollably! Is that even a word?! We decided that it was- we may not be able to find it in Webster’s and Microsoft Word has it underlined as wrong. But for fun try and use it this week and maybe...just maybe we can make it stick! ( Try and say it 3 times in a row fast! )

Today I realized that my birthday is in a few weeks! I then realized- OMG- I am getting older! It dawned on me! Now I know that I am not anywhere near “old” but I am not 18 anymore either. It is crazy how time flies! I have been living in New York for 5 years now! I am very thankful..very thankful. And when I think of all the amazing solid friendships that have formed over the years! Just don’t take anyone for granted…stay in the moment. Because that moment you will have forever.

Chasing the Rainbow

This weekend I spent in PA. Friday and Saturday had some of the most powerful rain storms ever. And in the midst of it all- While driving down a back road with my grandmother and sister- we encountered the most vibrant rainbow. I was lucky to have snapped a photo via my Black Berry. But do know that the photo doesn't capture the colors as they truly were.

My grandmother, sister, and myself than began wondering what was the pot of gold? Was it the dinner we were in search for? Was it the mall? Was it the new adult housing development- for grandma? Was it indeed us? As we drove our conversation grew more and more dramatic, each of us interjecting our ideas of what in fact the gold was. Then it occurred to me- the end is forever changing. As we drove the rainbow seemed to be traveling as well. It crossed my mind to see if we could "chase" the rainbow and find the end- but it was then that I realized- it would indeed be impossible. If not for the minor details of crashing into buildings and people- the likely hood of the actual rainbow lasting long enough for us to find it's origin is highly unlikely. So there it was in front of us. A beautiful artwork of nature and all we could do was marvel.

Rainbow's mirror life. We often want to find the end to know what the pot of gold is. We are so anxious to know and have the gold. But in reality life is much like the rainbow- forever changing- unpredictable. And just when we think we have found the end and are ready to claim the "gold"- poof- it has disappeared.

But when we sit back and appreciate it for what it is- we realize that there is no pot of gold more beautiful than the rainbow itself. So live for the beauty of living. You are the gold.


"The funny thing was it was by mistake we even took that route.~I guess life is funny that way"

Good Monday Morning!

I hope that you had a great weekend! I myself had a low key one! With tons of A Chorus Line practice with Justin for the big call! I also got my headshots back ( from my shoot last Sunday) and they came out amazing! I am so very pleased! I of course will be posting my favorite ones very shortly! Out of 149- I love 31 of them! That is pretty good- considering I really only need 2 at most.

This week isn't that audition heavy for me- I am kinda looking forward to that. I like not having to carry around a huge and heavy bag from dawn till dusk!

My sister is auditioning for Juilliard today! I am very very proud of her! We ran her solos in the studio last night and they were beautiful! If you wouldn't mind- say a little prayer for her- and send her positive energy throughout the day!

Well that is my post for now! Have a fantastic day! Talk to you soon!

The Burning in My Soul

It has come so clear to me these past few days that I am ready for the next level. And for sometime I think that I may have been playing it safe for the sake of being afraid to jump. You may be sitting there saying- what do you mean- and where is this going. Well I want to share something with you- in the hopes that it helps you along on your journey…

In life we all have choices and each choice has an outcome. I have always wanted my career- but too often I have taken little side detours-without getting into specifics- these little "test" if you will- all teach us its lesson- but while we are busy taking the test- time has never stopped. Now some test are quick while some of us may never finish or learn the lesson at hand. It takes a lot to actually sit down and face this truth. I had to simply ask myself: "Where are you now?" Where do you want to be?" How did you get this far” Are you doing everything truly in your power to achieve the ultimate?" When you can honestly ask yourself these questions you can then honestly answer them.

Since I am ready to leap fully, I am willing to share with you. Now the question: Are you doing everything truly in your power to achieve the ultimate? I can honestly say- that I do work very hard- but I could work harder- I could be more specific and work even more on the little things. For example- I made a list entitled 2008 Goals. Of course I have one main goal. But aside from the main focus- there has to be the steps to reach the top. In turn I feel more focused and more in control of myself. Instead of thinking and saying I want to take more ballet class but “just don’t have the time”- I have made the time and have added 4 Ballet classes in addition to my Jazz classes. The funny thing is I could have always done this- but I had to be ready and wanting to. That is just one of the many things on my list that I have incorporated into my life. And the great thing is each week as I look at the list the smaller it seems to get. And my life feels lighter and freer. There is clarity. Something that wasn’t there before.

It’s funny the things that were “important” 6 months ago- how silly they seem now. I have taken an oath to myself to focus fully on my list and making the ultimate happen. So for the next year I am fully booked with dance, voice, and auditions! There is nothing else in this world that is worth my energy.

I hope that this entry spoke to you in some way. It is not one of my traditional ones- I know. But all the soarings of my mind begin in my blood. On that note I leave you with one more quote:

I feel it now…there’s a power in me to grasp and give shape to my world. I know that nothing has ever been real without my beholding it.
---- Rainer Maria Rilke’s “The Book of Hours: Love Poems to God”

Until Tomorrow

The Last Dance

Was a success! I was so humbled to share the stage with so many talented performers. Just the opportunity to dance along side my mentor is something that I will never forget and forever cherish.

My family also was able to come and see me perform as well- the last show that they saw me in was Hot Mikado at the Westchester Broadway Dinner theatre in 2006. And much has changed in me since then. I was glad and thankful that I was able to share this experience with them.

It is often the short running shows that we miss the most. You never really see and understand how in love you are with something until it is over. But the wonderful thing is- we have the memories and the experience and those are things we will always have. It’s better to have loved once then not at all- now you may be sitting there thinking- how does this pertain to Stephen Harding and The Last Dance. I look at it this way- If I had never walked into The New Dance Group on west 47th Street in December of 2003- I very well may not even know you. I very well may have never booked any of the gigs I have thus far- I may not have even made it this far. We can never say never but I know what he has brought into my life as well as all the important things he has taught me. I have big plans for this year. So sit back relax and enjoy the ride- I sure am.

New Beginnings

You may be wondering why the old Blog was deleted and some keep emailing me to try and recover it. I am looking at the events in the past weeks as an opportunity for a new beginning. We can never go back but we can start fresh where we are. And you all shared with me all those wonderful and spectacular first via this Blog. And as long as we shared in them together- we now have the memories. And no matter what nothing and no one can take that away. Nor can it stop us from creating and sharing more.

The present is all we have, transient though it is. We’ve had the past, we may not have the future. Let’s treat every second as if it’s our last and try to enjoy it without worrying about what’s gone or fretting about what may be to come. Let’s face it - NOW is all we are guaranteed.

There will come a time when you believe that everything is finished- that will be the beginning. And that my friends is where I feel I am. Not that I was feeling finished careerwise in any shape or form- I am talking about life. There is so much more to life other than what we love. The only journey is within. And as long as you want to travel as far as far is- then let nothing stand in your way. The future enters into us, in order to transform itself in us, long before it happens.

I am glad to be back to share.


Coming tomorrow- The Last Dance.....

Hello

I am completely Revamping my Blog- I will Repost past production photos back up in the next week as well as some new ones. Thank you for your patience and understanding!